im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
