There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize