I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
