I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize