I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
