Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
