I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
