I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Operation Purity has been aborted
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
