Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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