Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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