soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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