if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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