its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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