Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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