Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
