that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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