fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
