i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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