All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
