i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
