he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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