my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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