i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
