Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
