seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
