There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
