oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
