I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize