he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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