Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
