Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
