It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
