I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
