You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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