my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
