Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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