Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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