"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
