doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
