I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize