This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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