No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
