I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All I want is dick and wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
