I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
