The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
