So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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