I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
