Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
