dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My penis needs a shock collar
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
