i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
