did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
