If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
