he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
