The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
