dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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