He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
