I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
