im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
