I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
did i just pee glitter
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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