Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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