Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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