hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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