not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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