i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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