you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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