How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
