I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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