just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
