Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
