I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
