Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
3 2 1 whiskey
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
