look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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