R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
