i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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