Ketchup is God's man juice
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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