the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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