I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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